The book You Are Not Your Brain by Jeffery M. Schwartz, M.D. and Rebecca Gladding, M.D. outlines a simple and practical method to reform your relationship with your thoughts and gain a new clarity on life. This framework breaks down the process into four simple, yet fundamental, steps to begin to notice and adjust the patterns that lead to emotional turmoil and self-defeating choices.
This book has been monumentally helpful for me in addressing my depression, and I share the steps with you here in hopes that this introduction to this process will be a blessing to you as well. By relabelling your deceptive thoughts, reframing your understanding of their message, refocusing your attention, and revaluing their significance, you will find a significant adjustment to your life experience. These 4 R's are a powerful tool that you can start using today and quickly gain significant, positive results.
Step 1: Relabel
"Identify your deceptive brain messages and the uncomfortable sensations; call them what they really are."
Identifying and relabelling deceptive brain messages are the first step in the process. Almost always, our fears, insecurities, anxiety, anger, stress, depression, or any other negative emotion, are not based in the truth of our present reality. When we are not in immediate physical danger, most of these uncomfortable emotions are not working in our favor, but rather are the cause (not the solution) of our biggest problems.
While they can feel like they are pointing towards some fundamental truth, simply put, they aren't. Having an intuitive insight or understanding about a situation can be helpful, but feeling these negative emotions actually causes us to physiologically function in a way prevents us from using the reasoning parts of our brains effectively. However, these emotions tell us quite the opposite and cause us to feel that we are clearly thinking and perceiving truths. This is why they are labeled 'deceptive brain messages'.
Once we can come to realise this, these deceptive brain messages can be labeled as such and thus recognized as red flags that signal us not to believe the ideas we are formulating. For example, an anxious deceptive brain message might tell us that a worst-case scenario is likely, while a depressive deceptive brain message might tell us that we are worthless.
Start from a place of curiosity. Once you have recognized what your most common uncomfortable sensation(s) is/are, you can give them a specific label. This will help you to become adept at easily identifying, and somewhat detaching, from them as they arise. The label could be the name of the emotion itself, or it could actually be a description of how it manifests for you (recommended).
For example, you could label anger as "anger" or "rapid heart beat" or "rising energy" if that's how it is in your experience. I labeled my depressive feeling as "aching chest".
Step 2: Reframe
"Change your perceptions of the importance of the deceptive brain messages; say why these thoughts, urges, and impulses keep bothering you: They are false brain messages (It's not ME; it's just my BRAIN!)"
The emotion itself is actually just a sensation in the mind and/or body. Until it is thought about and defined as something more (and thus becomes a deceptive brain message), it simply remains an uncomfortable sensation. Remembering this we can reframe it as such. Or, if the thoughts persistently arise, we can label those thoughts as the deceptive brain messages they are, that are not reflective of reality or our true selves.
You Are Not Your Brain puts forth an idea they call the Wise Advocate. Imagine someone wise who loves you dearly and wants the best for you—someone like a grandparent, mentor, or best friend. This person would never say to you the kinds of things you say to yourself when you are triggered by these uncomfortable emotions and deceptive brain messages. This archetypal Wise Advocate can be a part of your brain you consult when you are thinking negative thoughts about yourself, others, or situation. What would your Wise Advocate tell you if it heard you saying those things? What might the Wise Advocate replace that self-talk with?
Here are common “Thinking Errors” to be aware of:
All-or-nothing/black-or-white thinking
Catastophizing/fortune-telling
Discounting the positive
Emotional reasoning
Mind reading
“Should” statements
Faulty comparisons
False expectations
Step 3: Refocus
"Direct your attention toward an activity or mental process that is wholesome and productive—even when the false and deceptive urges, impulses, and sensations are still present and bothering you."
Refocusing is about making decisions—choosing a behavior—that is healthy for you, instead of ruminating in the thoughts of your deceptive brain messages and following the guidance inspired by thought errors.
It is not about distracting yourself from your deceptive brain messages, but rather about shifting your reaction to them from something negative to something constructive. Do not try to make the uncomfortable sensation go away. In this way you are retraining your brain‘s interpretation of what it means and what outcome these thoughts and feelings produce.
Neutobiologically speaking, actions proceed feelings—in that the actions/behaviors you engage in activate and wire the brain towards making that behavior easier and this more pleasurable. You are using Hebb’s law that neurons that fire together, wire together to create new pathways in the brain and nervous system that will be able to be triggered instead of the old pathways that cause you emotional and/or psychological discomfort.
It is this best to focus on activities that engage the brain in a ways that causes it to create new neural pathways—activities that involve strategy or learning something new. However, any wholesome, healthy activity, such as exercising, interacting with a friend, or watching something wholesome or educational, is a great choice.
The authors recommend making a list of healthy choices when you are not in the midst of a uncomfortable mood, as the deceptive brain messages might make it more difficult to formulate this list at the time.
Step 4: Revalue
This step in not necessary to begin with — the first three steps alone will help you create a powerful shift if followed diligently. But in this step you begin to realise and accept that the deceptive brain messages are nothing but deceptive brain messages. That they do not actually hold any deeper meaning.
There is a difference between feelings brought on by deceptive brain messages and those that are genuinely appropriate. It's the difference between sadness (feelings about a specific loss) and depression (non-specific listless feelings of hopelessness). There are also helpful/appropriate feelings anxiety and anger, and then that which is triggered in a way that is detrimental to you.
Once you've distinguished between the two, in this revaluing step you learn not to give the deceptive brain messages any value beyond being what they are. They don't hold any true meaning — they are just your brain (dis)functioning in a certain way.
This is the time to lean upon the Wise Advocate which was mentioned earlier. What would s/he say in response to the deceptive brain messages you are receiving?
Journaling/Reflection Prompt
Choose a feeling that you'd like to work with and follow these steps:
1) Relabel — What can you call this feeling when it pops up?
2) Reframe — What thinking errors is this feeling based on?
3) Refocus — What are 5-10 wholesome activities you could do when this feeling comes up?
4) Revalue — What would you 'Wise Advocate' have to say about the deceptive brain messages this feeling brings up?
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